Madeleine’s Yoga Journey
Madeleine started her yoga journey in her 20s, with drop-in classes at the gyms where she was working as a massage therapist. She experienced the trepidation and intimidation of joining a seasoned Ashtanga class, full of flexible gymnasts, all breathing loudly, dressed in lycra, and looking good & serious. She felt idiotic that she neither knew her body, or could move even in seemingly simple stretches. Having blind spots to so many areas particularly around her shoulders and upper back, where muscles seemed to move as a wedge, rather than individually.Her unbelievably tight hams strings and hips, pain sitting cross legged, or sitting for any length of time with an unsupported back… Then the mystique of yoga – chanting Om, and of internalising and committing to the practise duration having an inner focus…the inner world of self.
All this was so compelling, that she booked a 3 month course in India in 2006, so that she could immerse herself in knowing what Yoga was all about, with a very authentic Indian Acharya (Teacher). This immersion involved 5.30 am classes, breathing classes, philosophy classes, chanting classes; and on the weekends cleansing classes. 3 months she thought would do it, to return – fully flexible, ready to teach…. She thought she could attain a state in 3 months, and hadn’t dreamed she would be at the beginning of a process that is a life long journey of becoming.
The imposed discipline was hard, yet so needed – in ‘showing up’, performing uncomfortable movements and stretches – for all of 10 breaths, staying with the breath, not talking, remembering sequences even if simple, sitting still for 30 minutes in a breathing or meditation class, ignoring or being able to endure the uncomfortable nerve pains or body aches, or the desire to cry ; and generally having some mastery over one’s self and body. The Acharya’s instructions were simple – ‘Watch your breathing’ and ‘No Mental Fluctuations’!
There were tears and crisis – the thought of quitting and running to Goa; but due to having a Jupiter transit crossing her ascendent during that particular time period – knew she had to stay, and that this was a great and important thing she was doing in her life. Although considering herself tough and a black knight, capable of hard physical training; she hadn’t realised how much her Western life of so many comforts had made her soft, full of justifications and excuses, unable to carry through what she intended, or have a strong word and mean what she said etc. That realisation in itself was a shock! She was a flake!
This initial 3 month yoga immersion was the powerful start to her journey – which has taken her back to India on numerous occasions, learning with other profound teachers both in the UK & USA, a self practise which is now relatively easy – yet built on the will and discipline to get out of bed early over 17 years…. Her body is now comfortable, pain free, movement is easy; and the emphasis has changed to breath work mastery – which in its essence controls/influences the nervous system and one’s physiology; and of course mastery over the mind…..
Is she happy for her ordeal and its results? Well nothing of character is ever created without discipline, care, attention or a journey. A journey always has its beginning – where novelty and naivety makes one think there is only a certain time frame required for mastery – and then life will be good. However one doesn’t understand the pain of change… The middle part of the journey (whichever part that is) is the hard part, where one swims between shores – embarked, full of certain changes which means one can’t go back, yet requiring faith that there is another shore, and that one will make it, and that the other shore is favourable…. This is where good classes, a sangha or group really keep one going – not to mention faith and the help of deities or archetypes. Changing habits – physical, emotional and mental are tough… we believe we want a certain outcome, but when it really comes to it have we the grit to resist the clamouring of the senses?
There probably is never an end to the journey – but with yoga – the body does change. It does find a better relationship in the parts of itself and in itself. You do feel more comfortable, have greater ease, be pain free, have less injuries, have better posture, look better, and find yourself doing yoga postures you never dreamed you would be capable of. Even without embarking on a serious breathing practise journey – your breath is fuller through liberating the arms and rib cage, physiology and bodily systems work better – as movement squeezes blood in and out of organs, preventing the viscera from getting stuck, and there is improved circulation through out the body.
You learn to recognise different sensations through out your body, so that discomfort is not always pain, and good and bad pain have different qualities. You learn to have improved focus – one pointed concentration, where the mind can sit still without vacillating, jumping from thought to thought, or fear to fear. Mental illness in its large part is made from a mind that is unable to sit still. You end the class feeling at home, quiet and present. This leads to calmness, and as yoga states or even the religions of the world – we want the ‘Peace that passeth all understanding’. From this place we need nothing, feel in our centre – integrated, and closer to the true nature of ourselves. As the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali state – Yoga is the cessation of mental activity.